Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas Gifts from the other side of the veil...

Just before Christmas I was working on the very last of the boxes that needed unpacking...boxes of books and blankets. As I sorted through the books, trying to get rid of those we don't need or want I stumbled accross a very familiar three ring binder. My Sister Caprece made this notebook for me. At the time she made it I am sure she was thinking this would be a great way for me to travel down memory lane through the years. But now, well now, I know she was following the sweet whisperings of the still small voice. See, one of the things I have struggled with the most as a result of losing her is where I fit in this puzzle. I know it sounds silly but my relationship with her family changed so drastically at her loss that it sent me spinning. People don't often consider the grief a sibling experiences. Maybe we compare it to the loss others are experiencing and think it can't be as consuming or heartbreaking as that of a spouse, a child. or a parent. Now, please don't misunderstand me I am NOT comparing grief! I can never fully understand the grief of another nor would I even begin to try, which I guess is exactly my point. But, this I do know, my Father in Heaven knew of the grief I would experience and he prepared something to help me. Something that would come just when I needed it most. See this little notebook had been packed away in storage for nearly 3 and half years. It was packed away before we lost Precie. It was packed away so long ago that I forgot about it. When I found it I read there on the cover words...her words...words of comfort and love and a reminder of just exactly where I fit in with the old, the new, and the yet to be.

"Karmen...Just as each of these letters are a different design and color so are the many aspects of what you have added and continue to add to our lives. This book is but a small reminder to you that you are loved and cherished more than you could ever know. Thanks for the many colors of beauty, warmth, love and fun that you have made possible."

How thankful I am for the multitude of His tender mercies.

Likewise the spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26

He knows my needs and the longings of my heart before even I do. Thanks to this sweet simple little notebook I am reminded again not only of the love my sister has for me but the love my Savior and Father in Heaven have for me. Thank you Precie! I Love You!


Az Kelms said...

I am so glad for you that you have this special book that your sister made for you. She was a wonderful lady. I know that Jared and I sure loved getting to know her. Enjoy the special gift that she gave to you many years ago.

De familie Westveer said...

Thanks for sharing Karmen.. I had no idea...! I'm thinking of you in my prayers today, hope she sents you lots of love from the other side of the veil!!

Mariah said...

What a wonderful gift! Both then and now! I know how lost you have felt without her and also how desparate you have been to keep your relationship with her children growing, as it would be if she were still here. I also know how much grief YOU experienced as she was not only your sister, but your best friend and confidant for all of her earthly life. I also know that she felt the same way about you. I hate to sound selfish, but I sometimes felt jealous of the wonderful and amazing relationship that you guys have. I have now felt tremendous guilt over that small ping of jealousy. I am just so thankful and feel so blessed to have the relationship I have with you. You keep me grounded, you inspire me, you help me see the positive side of things, you give me courage to face adversity. Sorry I am just rambling on but I just want you to KNOW that I feel you and love you so very much!

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